I feel lost *AB TRIGGER WARNING*

[liv21098]

After she died I lived with my grandparents. Two days before she died I went to stay with them as she had a major blip with her bipolar and tried to strangle (as I spoke about). I'm unsure if I would have been living with them whether she had died or not as she said she didn't want me back and I was scared to live with her again. This was just over 5 years ago which feels weird to say as it feels like this never happened. I have never seen or spoken to a doctor about this. My family doctor (who my mother went to about her bipolar) asked me grandmother about 3/4 years ago if I wanted bereavement counseling. I went to it for a little while but it wasn't really useful. They tried to do creative things like decorating photo frames and drawing pictures which I felt was too childish at my age, although I'm sure they do help some people! It didn't really help because it was focusing on the wrong thing. Of course, the fact she died is very sad but that's not the part that really affects me. We obviously spoke about how she treated me but she was qualified to focus on the bereavement side of it and nothing else.

Also a lot of stuff like not remembering a lot of things that happened when she was alive, the emotional flashbacks and triggers have only come about over the last year or so ago. When I had bereavement counselling I didn't struggle with these things.