Hi and welcome to DWD. Sounds like you're dealing with so much, on your own and that's so hard. Alcohol and drugs aren't going to help, although anti d's and mental health specific ones can help. Please don't give up because one hasn't helped, it's very much a trial and error situation unfortunately.
Cat's never talk back, I'm lucky my dogs do........ Seriously though you now don't have to be alone, we're here, talk as much as you feel comfortable.