I need someone to talk to. *SU trigger*

[Khalil]

My father is sick, he's 65 y/o, his hands and his mouth ( both lips) are shaking and he can't walk properly and he's not doing okay, I feel like he's starting to lose his mental health...All I'm trying to fight and remove is that feeling, that knot inside me. It's like an idea if you don't get to know that girl you better just die cuz without her you are nothing.... and another reason that I didn't mention is masturbation. I've been trying to not masturbate and everytime I fail I feel destroyed. It's getting out of control.

Do you have any friends you could talk to? Why are you against seeing a doctor?

I'm not against seeing a doctor but I don't want anyone to know this side of me especially my family and my friends. Sometimes I say that this is just drama but other times it gets rly serious.

You're definitly not annoying to me. You have a problem and want help. I choose to offer you some help, even if it's just an ear to listen to you, you seem to really need that. May I ask, what is it exactly, that you want, that could solve your problem without SU?

My main goal is just to get to know this girl or at least forget her and manage to change myself to the best cause everytime i try i fail and tell myself that I'm a loser who needs to die and I start comparing myself with others.