Originally Posted by
Suzi
I've added a SU trigger as you've discussed suicidal thoughts and it helps others if they are pre warned in case they don't want to talk about that. Thank you, I wasn't sure if I should add it or not.
Your parents sound *so* supportive.... Are they always like this? Do you spend a lot of time with them? Yes they are pretty much always like this, I try to avoid situations that allow them to attack me. I thought I was doing the right thing by asking for advice, I have money in the business with my daughters Dad and we are trying to sort out the best way to deal with it to make sure it isn't wasted and helps. But yeah, it turned into a pretty harsh thing. I don't spend a lot of time with them, I don't have a car so it's 2 buses to get to them and I don't like to put them out with taking me back so it's a long journey. I talk on the phone briefly to them mostly, just to check in really.
Have you got to be referred again to counselling? Why did you think that they would judge you? How many animals did you have? Were you taking care of them properly? I'm not sure how I'd go about getting back on the counselling, feel like I've blown it. It was a great opportunity and I just couldn't deal with it. I didn't think she would judge me, I was judging myself. My beasties are a big deal to me, they are a massive coping mechanism for me and I couldn't keep them. It hit me really really hard. Not just in the loss of them but the lack of security, it's NOT my flat, belongs to someone else and they have authority. I did have far too many, as I said it's only a 2 bedroom flat. I had 19 rats, 2 hamsters, one mouse, 3 rabbits, 5 guinea pigs and the 2 young cats. Far far too many. Plus the tarantulas, roaches and snails. It had got out of hand. She wasn't bothered about the invertebrates, it was the others, so I re homed the rabbits, guineas, and most of the rats, the younger ones, and am left with 7 older female rats, 1 mouse, 1 hamster (1 died) and the 2 cats. Which is plenty! It's a lot easier to deal with and keep on top of, I was managing but it was an effort. The mouse alone has to be cleaned out, washed and scrubbed every week as he STINKS otherwise.
WRT your daughter - do you know why she's acting up? Is it hormonal or something different? My almost 16 year old has issues with school - but hers are more social and her not matching up to her own ideals of perfection, but school issues have a habit of dominating life don't they?
I'm glad you've got her some help, although it's not always easy to find. What do you think that she should be doing that she isn't? I think it is exactly those reasons, the idea of what and who she should be warring against who she actually is. It's not an easy time anyway and trying to find out where you fit in too is rubbish. She struggles with communicating, her emotions and what she wants to say, especially to adults/teachers and in a way that is acceptable. She's been on school report for 4 months as she won't hand it in. She gets them filled out in each class then just bins them. It's meant to be a 2 week thing maximum. It's not like the head of year doesn't know what happens anyway so it's just daft. Just lack of effort, she won't sort her books and stuff out, gets in trouble for forgetting her pe kit (loves pe) just little things.
Have you thought about getting some help with your finances? It always used to be brilliant - harsh but brilliant - to post on moneysavingexperts where you have people there who can sort your finances down to the last penny! Or the CAB? Or a debt management plan? I did the MoneyAdviceService income and expenditure form. That was really helpful. I've done a list of any debt I've got and am sorting out paying it off. It's just changing habits really. I do a list of what I have versus what I need to pay each week, then work out what I have left. I'm getting there, it's slow and I do still buy stuff but it's a bit more controlled.
Sorry! Loads of questions...
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