I know I really hadn't thought about what exactly I wan't to do after I finally graduate. I like computers and do enjoy some of the courses in my field(economics) so perhaps something in that direction. It's kind of a stupid thing but for me It has always been a mater of pride more than anything else. I don't really care about my condition that much as long as I can afford to have my own little apartment and work a job where I feel respected I would be ok. Being alone all these years I have had a lot of time to do self analysis and also to read and kind of mentally explore the world. In the end we all as humans are completely replaceable. We are all motivated by our own selfishness and insecurities (for example people have kids mostly because of selfish reasons not altruism and that's what keeps humanity going mind you). That's not to say I am definitely a pessimist. I just think that people are mostly the same which means a person has to be extraordinary to stick out in the crowd. Be the best at something at least compared to the people around you. My point here being that each one of us is trying to stand out in a way. And having f*cked up my chanced so bad I feel like it's too late for me to do anything anymore. Here in Austria it is perfectly normal for a person to study 5 years to get a degree and having started everything again at 23 i have at least 2 more years to go no matter how hard I try (the system is just built that way with a job max 20 ects per semester). The thing about life is that it's the same as university exams. No one will ask you why you life turned out the way it did, they just see the end result. Like how often have you wondered for example if the women at the counter of a gym studio is actually smarter person than you (no disrespect I mean the general "you") who just had a ty life. At the end of the day all of that doesn't matter. What we see around us are people who we judge by simple factors: do you look good (am I attracted to you or find you generally attractive), do you earn a decent wage, do you get along with other people, how high are you in the social hierarchy. I can say that even character is really a replaceable factor because with 7 billion people on the planet there are bound to be plenty that act and think like you (general "you"). It's these kind of thoughts that get to me because that is just how the world works and seeing all the people I have come to know moving on with their lives and making progress is a really depressing thing when I think about my own life and how little I have achieved for all of this time.