Shame, I wrote a lot of stuff. In general it was about several things. I got diagnosed with sinusitis a month ago and for several years I have been having this constant pain behind my eyes and pressure in my head which makes me feel a bit sick/drunk throughout the day which is fine and dandy at work but is a real problem when I am trying to remember more complex stuff (uni). I don't feel like my life is that bad because some people have it far worse even in the 1st world you have homeless, disabled and jobless people so could be worse. The thing that is eating me up inside is that for years now I have tried to keep this positive attitude of ok, now I'm gonna turn my life around but I am 26 now and I feel like I have practically wasted my life. The headache, lack of appetite and poor sleep is preventing me from going forward. My first 2 years here(Austria) I had guitar students constantly playing on my head and in Germany where I was previously the whole 3 years there was a construction site outside my house. Unfortunately for me I am a light sleeper so that was a problem. Being to poor to change my home also doesn't help. Seeing all of those happy go lucky couples around me makes me feel really sad that I have never had a person like that with whom I can just enjoy a walk in the park with. I have for a long time felt kind of rejected by society seeing most of the guys I know decide to spend their time with my more interesting "friends" or the girls go for the guy next to me. Kind of makes you think at one point what is the meaning in trying to be successful in life if your boss and the people around you still treat you as if you are not good enough (note not implying that anyone owes me anything in life, I know they don't. Just wish for once I was the lucky person who people wanted to go to a picknick with, watch GoT or something)