I Despise Myself *SU TRIGGERS *

[Penguin]

Hi Penguin mate, read your post and just want to offer my support to you. I'm a 34 year old male, suffer with depression and social anxiety. I myself am very unfulfilled in life as well.
Have almost no social life, hardly anything that interests or stimulates me and feel so apathetic and useless in life. I think you've shown yourself to be very dedicated and strong willed in many ways- to of kept up with weight training /bodybuilding since the age of 16 till now is very impressive. Throughout my life I have never really kept to a hobby or interest and give up on things very easily. Also to work solidly for 10 years at a job you do not get fulfilment from shows a hell of a lot of grit and staying power. Things seem to be very hard for you and I really feel for what you're going through. Best wishes to you, feel free to contact me.

Thanks a lot for that mate, a few things you pointed out there did actually make me feel a little better too. Thanks to everyone else as well for the suggestions and support, I appreciate it all.

In regards with what you have said Tommy I do feel really bad as I'm in no position to give advice. I really wish I was. What keeps me going at the moment is knowing how my mum and brother would feel if I did something stupid, its the easy way out for us all and I'd only be leaving them with even more to cope with which i know is wrong.

If you don't mind me asking do you know what has caused your feelings, like was there a significant event or has it just been how your brain functions? What frustrates me is that I know I have a lot to be grateful for yet I still can't seem to be.

[Tommy_85]

Hi mate, nice to hear from you. It is very true that you have shown a lot of strength to manage to push yourself every day to do something that is causing you unhappiness. Not easy at all. In regards to my depression and anxiety there has not been a significant traumatic event in life that made me the way I am today. I just have never been comfortable in my own skin I guess. I haven't found my place in life. moved from job to job, dropped out of various courses over the years, moved around, drifted a lot. Just felt underwhelmed with life for a long time and withdraw and isolate myself due to the way I feel. The constant in my life has been my mother who means the world to me and without her I would feel completely empty. I think if you have the foundations of a job you enjoy, loving family, supportive friends and social life it makes life feel worthwhile. Unfortunately lot of people don't have these things.

[Penguin]

Hi mate, nice to hear from you. It is very true that you have shown a lot of strength to manage to push yourself every day to do something that is causing you unhappiness. Not easy at all. In regards to my depression and anxiety there has not been a significant traumatic event in life that made me the way I am today. I just have never been comfortable in my own skin I guess. I haven't found my place in life. moved from job to job, dropped out of various courses over the years, moved around, drifted a lot. Just felt underwhelmed with life for a long time and withdraw and isolate myself due to the way I feel. The constant in my life has been my mother who means the world to me and without her I would feel completely empty. I think if you have the foundations of a job you enjoy, loving family, supportive friends and social life it makes life feel worthwhile. Unfortunately lot of people don't have these things.

I can relate to many of those things. Even though I havent moved much at all, all I want is to be fulfilled/content with where I am. The problem is if someone where to ask 'OK, what would make you feel that?' I can't give a specific answer.

I would love to be more outgoing but from a young child I have had major social anxiety and have isolated myself through choice. I'd rather be alone than with a group of people. Some take that as ignorant or even because of my size as some kind of aggression, which couldn't be further from the truth.

At least you have moved around a lot and seen different places on the positive side. I'm still in the same bloody town I was born in lol. Really hope we both find something that fits.