Hello Everybody

[AAndrea]

Hello Everybody

My name is Andrea and i was diagnosed with moderate depression in janaury 2019. Last year i was depressed after my birthday and i considsred sucide becauase i was scared of growing up and i was terrifed of the future . I still am and i would love to die young .
These feelings went on for months. I make plans to kill myslef but cant go through with them.

I used to cut myself in my teens

I feel like i am too functional to have depression. I am not sad all the time

I do have feelings of worthlessness and wanting to die and feeling like a failure and self dobut but i can still do things but i have work much harder .

Throuhout my final year of univeristy i thought of killing mysrlf and i would break down crying in public but i still managed to hand in assessments and get good grades.

I graduated with a 2.1 degree in law .

I will have days in which i am enjoying life and dont want to die but i wil be depressed again.

No one in my family have mental illbess and never had a hard life .

This is so humilating

One the outside people see me as intelligent and pretty but inside i want to die and constantly doubt myself . If you tell me i am pretty or clever i dont believe it at all.

My parents are african and believw only white people get depression. My nan says depression does not exist in africa so why does the west have it

Has anyone experienced this?

Plz share your stories

I feel so alone that my dspression is not the same as other people