Hi and welcome. I've added a trigger warning as you mention self harming. It's nothing to worry about, it's just so people can avoid your thread if it would trigger them.

I'm sorry you're suffering like you are. Have you spoken to your doctor about how you're feeling? Are you on any medication or receiving any talking therapy? Both can really help. Drinking, however, won't as alcohol is a depressant.

Your first step really needs to be talking to your GP, if you'd find that difficult then you could always print out your posts from here to show them. It can get better but you usually need professional help to get there.