so last night I celebrated my birthday with my lovely family. I smiled and I laughed and I actually thought.... yip I want more of this.
The anxiety and self doubt etc that it took me to get to that point however nearly ruined the night. I couldn't decide what to wear and I don't mean the usual female, I have nothing to wear, I mean actual unable to make a choice.... we went to our local, it really didn't matter but I felt if I made the wrong choice the whole night would be ruined. I ended up sobbing hysterically until my daughter picked something out of my wardrobe and told me to put it on. My head was telling me I was fat and ugly and my hair wasn't right etc etc etc. However after a glass of wine I loosened up a bit and my lovely family made me laugh and enjoy the meal and spending time with them.
Today of course I'm berating myself for eating so much and feeling a failure for giving in to temptation and being greedy. Today I'm not wanting to eat etc. Still riding that roller coaster!!
