Depression, loneliness & excessive worry*SH Trigs*

[magie06]

When I was trying to get over my first severe depression, I thought I'd only have to take these tablets, do the talking therapy and I'd be cured. It really doesn't work like that unfortunately.
1. I had to take the meds, every day at the same time. Yes, they are chemicals, yes there is a lot to be said about nasty side effects, yes I'll probably be on them for the rest of my life.
I'm also an asthmatic. Yes I have to take my meds every day, at the same time every day. Yes, they are nasty chemicals, yes the side effects can be dreadful, but if I don't take them I could DIE!
I also suffer from rheumatoid arthritis. I've undergone 2 major operations in the last 14 weeks. Yes, I take meds for my condition. Yes, they are nasty chemicals and yes they have side effects. But if I don't take them, then I will be in severe pain, and not able to keep going with my daily life.
I also have a severe allergy to Latex. I am on the Mac dose of antihistamine and if I miss a dose and come into contact with something as innocent as a balloon, then I could DIE!

I've done the talking therapy. I've done more than one talking therapy. The first was just getting somewhere and then the sessions stopped. The second one was dreadful. I didn't click with the therapist. The third was group therapy and I didn't open my mouth for the first 4 sessions. But then, the group therapy coincided with individual therapy and for the first time I got somewhere. And then my therapist changed. It took a while to trust someone new, but I stuck it out and I finished, but still have her number if things get on top of me again.

None of these things would have happened if I didn't help myself. The first time someone said - write 3 positives per day - well I thought they were mad. There was nothing positive in my life, how could I find 3? But I tried, and it became easier. Repeating things on a daily basis makes it easier.

Then one day, I got up and I found I was able to go out for a walk to the shop. Then later, I was actually able to go in and buy something. Eventually, I got to know the people who work there, and I can call in now and have a conversation about everything and anything. But I couldn't do it straight away. It takes practice and patience.

I know not everyone's situation is the same as mine. That's the thing with depression. You can't look at a group of people and pick 3 out of 4 of them and say, you are depressed. Depression doesn't care if you are young or old. It doesn't care if you have money or not. It doesn't care if you live with your mum or live with a loving partner. Depression just IS.
The love and support from each and every person here has changed my life. If I've had a good day, then the forum needs me. If I've had a ty day then I need the forum.

In life when you get hooked up to a heart machine, the line goes up and down. It's only when you are dead that it is a straight line. You can either accept the lows as they come and do something about it, or you can just count down the days until that line goes flat.