Hi and welcome! I've added a trigger warning as you mention suicide. It's nothing to worry about, it just lets those who it may triggers know not to read it.

Firstly, depression doesn't discriminate and there isn't always a reason. What we say here is that how you feel is important. If something affects you then it matters. We don't compare here as whatever you're feeling matters just as much as the next person.

What meds are you on? Are those the first ones you've tried? There are more than 20 registered antidepressants and it isn't a one size fits all kind of thing so is often trial and error I'm afraid. Have you ever had any counselling? Your first step really needs to be going back and speaking to your doctor and being honest about what you're feeling.