Hi and welcome to DWD. I've added the SU trigger as you mention daily suicidal thoughts - it's not a problem, just that some members find things like this triggering to their own health.

Wow, she sounds delightful! I can't imagine being separated from my husband and children by living in whole different countries! I'm not surprised you are finding it tough.
Have you seen a Dr about your mental health? Have you had talking therapy or meds?