I haven't written for a while, thank God overcame a rather horrible month of June.

First, my cat fell ill, it is related to renal problems and I have never dealth with it before. So I changed one vet and now the things seem to be finally better.
Then, my boss got very mad again and unwilling to pay people on time. But the other local agencies' situation is even worse. So I kept silence for a while, then told her that I if the situation becomes insupportable psychologically, I will not be able to normally work in such a toxic environment. She replied that it is "shameful for young and pretty women to be depressed". In the end, she agreed that time to make the ambiance easier or maybe she was afraid I will go to my dad (of course she is unaware of the details of my relation with him).

As for my dad, from one side, he understood that the current situation does not depend of me, but, at the same time, he made me feel guilty that I was not able to be there at his 65th birthday. Although he calmed down, our connection is poor and he is callng me less than before and I doubt I will be able to get to his place this year. There are many reasons for this, and no direct flights.

A local friend supported me that time too, although she is mostly with her parents in the south of country. Anyway, she is the only person who knows about my mental struggle without judging or blaming me, here many people cannot grasp the real meaning of mental illnesses.
As to the medication topic, the doctor advised me just to increase the valium dosage in critical periods.

I am also feeling happier because my online boyfriend reconnected with me. He revealed he has also been coping with strong psychological moments since the closure of everything in France, but now the things seem to have got back to normal there. I wondered because he is often smiling, he said that smiling does not mean the lack of any inner mental struggles, it is just his psychological type.