Ok, so going from your list... I always get paranoid about my hair when I have it cut. I dread being told that it's thinned even more. It really affects my self-esteem. Not to mention that being unable to have children is probably the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. I'm fed up of never knowing what my mood is going to be like. As daft as it sounds, I'm disappointed in myself when my mood dips as I'm on new meds that have made a huge difference, I have coping strategies, I have J, what is wrong with me? And then I get annoyed with myself because I know that recovery isn't a straight line and I know because I've been ill for such a long time it's likely to be more a case of making things manageable but as usual, I'm my own worst critic. And the thought that I may end up not being able to use my hands properly is scary. And my gp has chased up the rheumatology OT so will have those appointments coming up.

He has days where he hardly touches drink but then days where he can go through a full 12 bottles.

I have pain management with her next week, I get out of going to her infusions with her as she doesn't want me sat in the hospital for 6 hours.

Her meds have been a nightmare, plus had to talk to her today about skipping meds and what the implications are. She tried to deny it but I do her meds, I know how long they last!

Not much to deal with there, I'm not doing a huge deal really.

A week behind again. Hoping I can get the online stuff done tomorrow, or most of it anyway.

Oh! Had another bill. I'm now paying around £135 a month because of him, plus stoppages on my income support because I got landed with the rest of the council tax bill.

I'm worrying that he's going to be too scared of her reaction to go public about us. He promises me that we'll get there, he's adamant that he's going to Manchester with me, so all I can do it try not to overthink things and see how it goes. That been said, they're all at the panto on Friday as his parents always pay for them to go together and she asked if she was still invited. He told her not if she was going to start arguments like last time, so that's progress! His parents don't really want her to go but they're doing it for the children. And he's popping tonight when he finishes work and taking me out on Friday, probably museums and lunch. And Tuesday we're either doing the Railway Museum or Whitby, I'm staying over then we're doing museums or the art gallery on Wednesday. It's nice to be able to do proper coupley things together.

Even my mum and dad are getting fed up of her so it's not just me!

Still have my mum coming up a lot. Had her interrupt Dherlock twice last night. And lets just say, she's almost interrupted things a few times...


Edit: ok, that's a lot considering I keep saying I'm ok....