Oh sweetheart
It's ok to feel like that. You have nothing to feel guilty about at all. He betrayed your trust in the worst possible way, our families are supposed to love an protect us, not do things like that. In my case it was my cousin, so I understand how you feel. I've not really talked about it, only here really. But talking does help and hearing that it wasn't your fault does help. If you would prefer, we do have a private board for abuse that we can give you access to. It's not used often so is more private, you just need to PM Suzi if you would like access. It's completely up to you lovely, you can use here, a private board or not talk about it again until you feel ready.
As for the funeral, you need to do what's right for you. If it would cause a lot of problems you not going can you maybe claim to be ill?
I hope you know just how brave and strong telling us that makes you? You're awesome