Hi Mathew and welcome. I am so, so, sorry for your loss and can’t imagine the pain you must be going through. It’s not uncommon for a loss like that to split relationships, and I’m sorry about that too. What was your little boy’s name?

Does your doctor know about your suicide attempts? Have you been put in touch with a crisis team? Lovely, many of us here know what it is to not want to be here anymore and not be able to see a way past this pain but I promise you, there is always a way through. You need support but you also need to reach out for that support - you’ve reached out here and that is the first big step to finding that way through