I thought I'd copy this post I've made this evening from the facebook page - it kind of seems appropriate here..
Hi everyone, I thought my post tonight would be a story about my day.... My children went back to school/6th form today and I always hate it. They all got on OK though, which is great and a massive relief. Today though, I didn't just stay home and wait for the time to pick them up, I had a hospital appointment to have testing for carpal tunnel syndrome! (I know, that's not where you were expecting this story to go either.... lol)
The new neurophysiology department was lovely! The receptionist was friendly, the radio was playing in the background.. The artwork on the walls was created by the lead consultant and there were plants dotted about (imitation due to hospital guidelines) and on the desk was a really lovely big sign which said "Smile, it's contagious." It's true, smiles are very contagious and we had a lovely chat in the waiting room...
So, I've gone into the room with the lovely neurophysiologist who happens to be beautiful, from Portugal and really lovely, witty and funny - someone you'd love to have as a good friend - you know what I mean.. Well I've been electrocuted a couple of times on my fingers and it was odd, but nothing horrific, but then she moved it to above my elbow - I've honestly never been so mortified (oh I might have been once before) as my hand touched her breast totally uncontrollably! I've never wanted the room to swallow me up so much!
Anyway, the rest of the test went well and I don't have carpal tunnel - this to most people would be a good thing, but to me this isn't. Actually I feel really rubbish about it because along with my fibro, osteoarthritis and degenerative discs (and everything else) I had hoped that this would be something fixable, not something that I will have to carry on wearing the wrist splints (that I hate) and more pain continuing and the next department for me to see is musco-skeletal but that's not for a couple of months. The pain isn't getting any better and I'm hating it and having to add more pills in and not be able to do all the things I want to do...
So, I'm not "wallowing" (well, maybe a bit) but I'm trying to follow my Mindfulness Therapist's teachings and not push the negative feelings away, but actually to look at them, accept them and understand that they are valid and have a value and that it IS ok to not be OK.... So that's the point of this story... Sometimes it's OK to not be OK....
Suzi x
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