you’re not turning into your mum, the fact you are aware of the impact on your family, especially your eldest, proves that to me. You obviously love your family and want the best for them. What’s best for them, and for you, whether you’re pregnant or not, is to ask for help from your doctor. I had pre natal depression with my youngest and my midwife was so supportive, I’m not sure I’d have made it through my pregnancy in one piece without her.