Hi Pandora and welcome. Firstly, I’ve added a trigger warning to your thread. It’s nothing to worry about, it just allows other members to avoid, if they need to, threads that might be tough for them.

This is a place where you can definitely talk openly. We all understand how you feel and DWD is a very supportive place to be. Can I ask whether you talked to your doctor or midwife about how you’re feeling, during your previous pregnancies? Did you suffer, do you think, from post or pre natal depression? If you didn’t, you really need to talk to someone now, not least because, if you are diabetic, you will be having a lot more active involvement with the hospital/clinic/surgery.