I really think you need to change support worker...
I really think you need to change support worker...
Do a little of something that makes you happy every day!
Strugglingmum (17-01-19)
All I know is that I feel worse about myself when I come out than before I go in. I feel more suicidal walking away than walking in. Anyway, she doesn't need to see me for 5 weeks so plenty of time to over think!!
After 25 mins she said she was going to call it a day as I didn't seem focussed enough and she wasn't sure that what she was saying was going in. ..... I interpret that as..you're wasting my time.
She asked me what I had hoped to achieve from today's appt, I wasn't sure what to say and that seemed to frustrate her.
She said I was the only one who could help me by taking my meds, sleeping, keeping busy, making plans, not ruminating. I told her I was scared to sleep and that was also why I seemed to have a mental block about my meds as I knew they would make me sleep.
She said well I've let your consultant know you are non-compliant and your psychologist may not be able to continue therapy if you don't help yourself.
I asked her if she wanted me to cancel the next appointment if I wasn't back on my meds, she said that I was free to cancel any appointment for any reason but that she was prepared to see me.
So it's all down to me. All she said is true. If I can't sort me out no-one else can. Unfortunately I ended up SH this afternoon I get so crap.
I don't want to see her again but maybe I just don't like home truths. Maybe my own CPN has me spoiled as he has a way of helping me see the truth thru the fog and helping me make the right choices. I wish he was around. I wish my psychologist was around but I also wish I was stronger or could see my way thru.
You are strong, please don’t doubt that. That doesn’t mean having someone make you feel like sh*t isn’t going to knock you, because of course that does. She needs to be encouraging you, not disparaging you ....
The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.
Strugglingmum (18-01-19)