All I know is that I feel worse about myself when I come out than before I go in. I feel more suicidal walking away than walking in. Anyway, she doesn't need to see me for 5 weeks so plenty of time to over think!!
After 25 mins she said she was going to call it a day as I didn't seem focussed enough and she wasn't sure that what she was saying was going in. ..... I interpret that as..you're wasting my time.
She asked me what I had hoped to achieve from today's appt, I wasn't sure what to say and that seemed to frustrate her.
She said I was the only one who could help me by taking my meds, sleeping, keeping busy, making plans, not ruminating. I told her I was scared to sleep and that was also why I seemed to have a mental block about my meds as I knew they would make me sleep.
She said well I've let your consultant know you are non-compliant and your psychologist may not be able to continue therapy if you don't help yourself.
I asked her if she wanted me to cancel the next appointment if I wasn't back on my meds, she said that I was free to cancel any appointment for any reason but that she was prepared to see me.
So it's all down to me. All she said is true. If I can't sort me out no-one else can. Unfortunately I ended up SH this afternoon I get so crap.
I don't want to see her again but maybe I just don't like home truths. Maybe my own CPN has me spoiled as he has a way of helping me see the truth thru the fog and helping me make the right choices. I wish he was around. I wish my psychologist was around but I also wish I was stronger or could see my way thru.