Hi and welcome. Often, rather than the massive lows that most people associate with depression, I’ve found that numbness is the predominate ‘emotion’ for me, particularly if I’ve been in crisis for a while. I think it’s the minds way of trying to protect me from the worst this illness throws at me. If this means you’re actively hurting the people in your life, please stop. Apart from the direct damage you might do, remember that this state of crisis will pass and you’ll then have to live with any harm you’ve done to the people you love, and the fallout from that harm.
Have you seen your doctor for help? How are you working with your wife and children to try to mend your relationship?