Not coping so well...

[CaterpillarGirl]

Hey guys, I know I disappeared for a few days, I've not been having a very good week and have been trying to talk myself into coming on here but I just couldn't bring myself to because I don't want to be a burden or annoy everybody (stupid right? Given that this is a forum for this exact thing, unfortunately I can't switch off that voice in the back of my mind that says "nobody cares")

The truth is, I've just had enough, of all of it. I'm sick of the smallest things being an accomplishment, taking the dog for a walk, washing the pots, the sort of thing everybody else does every day without even thinking about it. It's not fair, I want to be able to do those things without it being such a big deal, it shouldn't be so hard to tidy the house, or take a shower, but even though I really want to do those things I can't, because this massive weight comes down on me and I feel like I can't move and I just want to scream or cry or both.

I'm sick of feeling sick all the time, of the constant stomach pain and always feeling like I'm on the verge of tears, trying to avoid leaving the house because I'm worried people will talk to me or look at me and when I do leave the house (and only because I have to for work etc) I can't breathe, my chest gets so tight and my legs feel so weak and I just have to push through it even though all I want to do is break down and cry.

I'm sick of feeling like a terrible mother, a terrible friend, a terrible daughter, like I'm not good enough for anybody and they'd all be bette off without me. I've had enough of constantly arguing with my daughter or snapping at her, of being irritated by the smallest things and losing my temper over nothing. I need to deal with this but I can't, I'm still waiting for my counselling appointment and I still can't bring myself to make a doctor's appointment even though I know I need to.

I just want it all to end, I just want to feel normal again and I don't know what to do...

[Paula]

Oh hunni . You’re not annoying anyone and you’re not a burden. I care, I really do and I do understand how you’re feeling - completely. Lovely, the ‘small’ things are usually the most important things to get right (making sure the dog gets walked is very important, for instance, as is self care eg taking a shower) and these are normally the first casualties in the battle against this illness. In my experience, it’s often easier to put the mask on in front of the world than it is to convince myself to get off the sofa to make breakfast.

I very much doubt you’re a terrible friend, daughter, mother, this illness is really accomplished at whispering in our ear that we fail at relationships. Does it help to know it carries out that whispering campaign on almost everyone with depression? But it’s just not true.

Sweetie, please, please, please call the doctors for an appointment today and print out this post to shows the doctor ....

[CaterpillarGirl]

In a way its nice to know I'm not the only one going through it, at the same time though I wouldn't wish this on anyone! It's funny isn't it how we can go out and act like we're completely fine and nobody has any idea, the few people I have told always say things like "but you don't seem like you have depression" or "you always look like you're happy" and yet behind closed doors it's a completely different story! I really do want to make an appointment with my doctor because I know I need help and I'm not entirely sure how much longer I can cope with it all, but because I suffer from anxiety as well I just can't seem to bring myself to do it, and even if I did manage to make the appointment there's no guarantee I would go to it.

[Paula]

the few people I have told always say things like "but you don't seem like you have depression" or "you always look like you're happy" and yet behind closed doors it's a completely different story!.

It always makes me wonder exactly what we’re supposed to look like!

[magie06]

You need to see someone though. It's probably difficult at this stage to see your regular gp, (although they should have an emergency appointment system). If you can't see your regular doctor, please see someone.

[CaterpillarGirl]

I know I do, I'm going away with family for a long weekend today after work though so it will have to wait until I get back

[magie06]

Enjoy your weekend. I was going to ask were you going somewhere nice, but you're hardly going somewhere terrible!! Lol.
Try ringing someone and have something in place for when you come back.

[CaterpillarGirl]

We're off to North Wales (my mom, daughter, grandma are grandad are already there) my mums husband and I are making our way down later today because we couldn't get time off work, hopefully with this time away I can clear my head a little and try to enjoy myself *fingers crossed*

[Jencl]

Hi!

If you understand that it's hard for you and a burden of oppressive thoughts hold you back, painting your life in dark colors, don't keep silent. Not everyone can't handle this. There's a way out, but it depends on you whether you want to use it.

There are many options for overcoming your sufferings.

For example, many of us forget about that simple thing as... conversations. With relatives, closest friends, kith, colleagues and even strangers. Discover the world and open your heart. Let yourself set free. Just try for one time.

Not less effective remedy are medicaments. To buy them you can visit LINK REMOVED BY ADMIN. It hepled me in my time, so maybe it can help you too.

[Sissy]

You are not alone with this feeling, and I promise you you are not a burden. I know that voice telling all kinds of garbage, and I have noticed how people who don't know the feeling personally may actually mix it with self pity. It's not like you had control over it, and that's exactly why you should talk to someone who knows how crippling it can be feeling that way. Hope you feel better soon.