Hi and welcome to DWD. First, can I say that, though it doesn’t seem it right now, there is hope. You can find a way to heal. Has anyone ever offered you talking therapies (counselling, CBT or something like that)? If not, go back to your GP to ask to be referred. Sissy is right wrt medication - you’d take something for a physical illness, why are you concerned about taking it for a mental illness? Often, the meds will give the support needed while we learn how to deal with anything else that is affecting our mental health.
Just FYI, anti depressants can take from between 4-8 weeks to start doing their job so you’ll need to be patient and, most of all, be kind to yourself over the next few weeks
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