Hi Giu and welcome....have you thought of writing everything down? If you find it difficult to open up and physically talk about your depression, why not express your fears and issues in writing? Then hand it to your doctor to read. Regarding medication for depression. It's not the only option, but it may well give you the relief from your depression that you need. There's no shame in being depressed or taking meds. Would your husband come with you to the doctors. You'll get a lot of support here if you want to offload. Don't suffer needlessly.