Life really is unfair. I have been doing pretty bad lately In general. But waking up to this kind of nightmare is devastating, and sort of pushed me over the edge. I have a massive urge to give up, and people around me watch over me every moment fearing I'm going to do something stupid. I might go back to hospital for a short period to get my self back In balance. I'm still begging my family not to send me in, but they may be right. Pretty many things have gone wrong lately, and disapointments keep coming one after another. I feel like drowning really. Sorry if I am dragging any of you down with me, I really don't want to depress anyone. Just too much going on, and I really loved my chicken.