Complete Dispair.

[Overwhelmed]

Paula is right, the illness is making you think negatively. I understand the not wanting to talk to your mum. As for your partner, all you can do is try to educate him with information - there is lots out there to try and help families understand. Tell him if his comments don't help, not in a nasty way, but have a chat and explain what triggers your thoughts, what does/doesn't help etc. Talking is the best thing for you (don't bottle it up) and for your relationship. It is made worse when partners are away, can he speak to the padre or his boss and ask not to go away? (I know, a silly question - my dad and hubby were in the forces). Are you having any talking therapy? That really does help and yes meds will eventually work but it may take some swapping of meds to find the right ones. Mindfulness or going for a walk is helpful with the anxiety, it may be the last thing you feel like doing but when you do it helps. Walking and talking with your partner, when he is around, is good, it means you can talk without being directly looked at as you are side by side. I know right now this probably all seems impossible or unlikely to work. Sadly anxiety and depression take time to deal with, unlike an Infection requiring a week of antibiotics and all is well again. You can get better. Self care is your priority, it is good you enjoy your job and it helps - distraction is good at times.