I'm going to make a few observations which may not go down very well so apologies in advance if any offence is caused as that is certainly not my intention...
I think you need to take a step back and try and look at this as an outsider. For starters, was he expecting you to meet him after work or did you try and surprise him? Surprises quite often set off my anxiety, it's very rare my partner just shows up as he knows I don't deal with it very well. It sets me on edge. If you surprised him then I can understand him being upset, especially given the environment he works in.
You say you apologised but how? Did you say you were sorry and leave it at that or was it followed by a but? I've been binge watching Santa Clarita Diet and something struck a chord with me in the last couple of episodes. In general, an apology followed by a but isn't an apology, it's trying to justify something. Have you asked him why he was so angry with you about it? Have you considered that you trying to be nice by buying him the gift and then taking it with you to meet him just ended up making things even more difficult for him at a time when he's already struggling to just get through the day?
Your last few posts are very focused on him upsetting you, and you're entitled to be upset when he treats you badly, but have you stopped and considered that he may be upset too? Not everyone deals with upset in the same way and add depression in to the mix and it has the potential to be incredibly difficult for him to cope with.
Speaking from a personal point of view, I have always been known as being calm and rational. I used to work with teenagers on the SEN register and could get through to the most difficult of them because of that calmness, yet depression makes me incredibly irritable and irrational. I'm fairly close to my parents but when I'm feeling really low, I can't cope with them talking to me, I can't cope with them doing nice things for me, I can't even cope with them being in the same room as me. I don't tolerate people well at all and get very snappy. In fact, the only person I can cope with is my partner as he understands and he knows what I need when I'm like that. It's not that I'm trying to be rude, it's just that I physically and mentally can't cope with people talking to me
You said that you ignored him because he upset you and then commented about him carrying things on, but by ignoring him you're also carrying things on, that's not just on him.
Depression is no excuse for behaving badly. Sometimes it takes me a huge physical effort to not snap at people. Sometimes it's incredibly difficult when people don't understand though. I'm not trying to make excuses for him, I'm just trying to offer an explanation. How he feels isn't about you, it's about his thinking being distorted by his illness. He'll be trying so hard to pretend he's ok that some days he'll be too exhausted to keep the mask in place.
Does this make sense?
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