hey I’m sad

[S deleted]

You’re a lot braver than me. Glad they were able to help you.

[Suzi]

I am so glad you called and got some help. Sweetheart you can get through this. Is there a limit on how many times you can call or how much support you can have?

[sallyb]

You can call any time as much as you need Which is great but I know what I really need is face to face long term counselling. I’ve spend all my life putting sticky plasters over things and it’s time to get to the root of the problem. But finances won’t allow.

One of my symptoms of a chaotic childhood is that I try to control and organise everything - so I achieve very well at work and our house is tidy etc but I’m just getting through the list rather than living my life. I’ve been trying to add one things a day into the list of something just for me.

Any ideas?

[Suzi]

Marc was told to look at his day to day activity and to work out whether he is doing things for necessity or for fun. He needed to build in more time for him to do things for himself - spending more time doing photography, walking, making his guitars etc It's about balance.
Do you have any hobbies?
What things do you like doing for you?

[sallyb]

Hi Suzi that’s a good idea to check the list for what is necessary. I try to do that but I just end up with sub lists! And when I’m eventually done with my list I don’t know what to do with myself. I honk I’ve forgotten what I like doing. I like knitting. And I think I like walking in nature but it’s been so long I can’t remwmber. I like bubble baths. Reading. Baking. I’ve been thinking of starting whittling! Make some nice spoons. But I feel guilty spending time and money on my self which I guess is linked to low self esteem.

[Paula]

I may have missed it but you didn’t mention family in your previous posts ....... Sally, the number one rule around here is that you can’t take care of others if you haven’t taken care of yourself first.

[Suzi]

Can you try to make time - like an appointment with yourself to do something lovely just for you?

[sallyb]

So far today I’m watching the new Grey’s Anatomy episode with coffee before I do anything else.

I have a difficult relationship with my parents. My dad drank a lot and my mum worked a lot to make sure bills could be paid so me and my brother didn’t get much of what we needed from them. My dad shouted a lot and said horrible horrible things. We used to beg my mum to leave him but she wouldn’t. I think this is the core of my low self esteem and feeling of never being worth enough for anyone.

I have a partner of 12 years. And he’s great. Kind. Makes me laugh a lot. But... he also has a massive anxiety disorder which has governed his whole life. He also struggles daily with things which means he leans on me a lot. I mostly have to put him first and then try squeeze in time for me. I feel like I never relax because I’m waiting for the next ‘can you help me?’ He also runs his own business which is beyond stressful and the reason we don’t have much money.

So I’m sad, depressed, have chronic migraines, stressed, worried about money, and never ever relax or find joy, never put myself first. I’m trying to find what I like and how I can relax and have some time to myself.

[Suzi]

I'm glad you are watching the episode first.

What things do you enjoying? For example, I love to crochet and cross stitch so those are things I do for me. I love to take the dogs out for a wander, I love to sit and talk to the fish (and currently frogspawn) in our pond or watch stuff on TV.. And bake.

[sallyb]

Hi Suzi wow we are twins! I like knitting and embroidery. Baking. Crafting. Reading. Going for a wander in the fresh air. Cinema by myself. Oh I might see what is on Monday afternoon and take the afternoon off work!