Being like this forever: waking up every morning, wishing I wouldn't; the future, being alone, meds not helping, so I will be like this forever; not being able to explain why I hate myself. I have no interest in anything. I go to work everyday, pretending to know what I am doing. I am tired all the time. Talking is hard, explaining myself is exhausting.
I tried it before, saw the GP for what felt like 3 minutes, and she prescribed me some antidepressants without any real questions, just some tears (because i had relationship problems) were enough. That was 3 years ago. I took them for a month. The thought of taking them freaked me out.