I haven't been to the doctors in a long time because if you're lucky enough to get an appointment at all, you never see the same one twice and having to go over this stuff with an overworked, disinterested nhs doctor is kind of soul destroying to be honest. I did get my meds changed (over the phone!) to 40mg a day a few months back and for a while it seemed to be helping but now I feel like I'm sinking again.

I don't keep track of the drinking but I know it's far too much, I end up buying a litre of gin every 2-3 days and if I can get my hands on anything else I'll have that too. I hate myself for it.