I’m going to be referred to a psychologist. I haven’t been taking my medication for two months now. My own fault. I really believe they weren’t doing anything for me. I had no bad side effects when I stopped cold turkey.

I can’t help feeling suicidal, and feeling too weak to commit the death sentence. I’m very isolated; not from family but with friends. If they exist, I haven’t had any friends to hang with for years. Understanding myself as an INFJ has helped. People seem to susoect that I have my own group of friends when they meet me, and so don’t bother to plan anything with me. I dropped out of university a few years back. From my inability to make friends, allow people to like me. I’m just not fun to be around. I don’t like to drink and that was the downfall. Being a quite gay guy is hard. I find it hard to relate to others. People don’t understand me socially. I like to have deep and meaningful conversations.

I’ve never had a relationship and i’m happy that this isn’t a rare case. I just want to feel I have something to live for. I’m getting through my degree; trying to get the best grades. But right now the motivation for this is fading, as I am struggling to find satisfaction/enjoyment from anything. I have hardly any highs. Just lows and nothing in between.

If I ask for help i’m told to carry on living. I really don’t see the point sometimes.