I can totally relate to that feeling. I thought I’d met the man I would spend the rest of my life with so finding out the day before putting down a deposit for our wedding reception that he was cheating on me was like being punched in the gut or trying to breath in a vacuum. My life was turned upside down when I read the words he wrote to another woman, how he didn’t love me and was only with me because we had bought a house together. This all happened 16 yrs ago but I still remember that day like it was yesterday. I eventually got over him. It took a long time and like you the thought of being with anyone else made me feel sick but over time that changed (unfortunately my taste in men never improved lol).

I could never love another the way I loved him and I guess I always will love him but if he were to open my door and find him on bending knee begging me to take him back I’d shut it in his face. I got over him and would never go back. We were different people back then and time is a healer.

I think it’s unfair of your ex to keep contacting you. He chose to walk away and yes maybe he made a mistake but he shouldn’t keep torturing you. You need to stay strong and ignore his messages cos it’s only gonna keep dragging you back in and hurting you again and again.