Hi and welcome. I completely agree - there is NOTHING weak about mental health illness.
I really do have to urge you to go and see your Dr - print out the post you've made here and talk to them - be honest and open about how bad you are feeling and what you are doing to change things. Taking drugs not prescribed for you or illegal really isn't going to help lovely. You need to have some serious help from your GP, mental health team and the drug and alcohol team. I'm so pleased you opened up here. It's so important.