Quote Originally Posted by Tia View Post
Not sure were to start on this problem so the beginning is a good place. Theoretically I should be moving on and I want to so much, these dreams are haunting me. I met my ex husband many years ago and fell deeply in love with him. Through out the years we had many problems and split up for a few years before getting back together. We married, had kids, a business, it was never enough as he had drink. With the drinking came abuse. I got depression combined with a lot of debt through his actions.

Fast forward to present day . Most of the debt has been paid back, I am single again, my kids now teens have turned out to be well rounded sensible teenagers who are doing well in life. So you may be asking yourself what the problem is. It is me . As well as going through anxiety, depression and perimenopause I ask haunted by dreams of the ex. I want to move on so badly. Why am I denied a second chance at life ? I still love the person my ex once was. It doesn't matter how many times I remind myself of all the nasty abusive things he did to me there is a part that needs closure. My dreams consist of the same content which is normally about his abandonment of me. It hurts like hell. No amount of drugs are going to cure these dreams so what do I do ? He moved on for me its a living hell. Deep down my soul is very lonely and I am sick to death of acting out my life as though it is perfectly normal.
Oh sweetie I am in the same boat except we did not break, but the loneliness is crippling, the sense of rejection, abandonment and not being good enough has not gone but I am still married. We do not share the same bed and sex is as rare as a cold day in Dubai but it has been 12 years now and to the outside it looks ok and to her it looks ok but inside I whither. My kids are at Uni and I kept the family together but now I see it is at the cost of me!! So I deeply appreciate your situation. I would say take steps to not be lonely. You are free to do so. And rejoice in the fact that life does not need to be normal it is what you choose. You chose freedom and so revel in it and whilst revelling think of your mate Ezzie who is not so free! In the centre of a circle but not part of it!