I feel like a fraud because it has been five hears since we split. During those years I have been fighting to keep my home , dealing with the divorce which be didn't take part in and he sent his creditors in to finish me off. Yes I am free in the sense that I no longer suffer his abuse but these dreams ! They are a kind of self torture. I know there will never be any closure from him as he would gloss over the facts. He has never seen his children since the day he went , now that is something I will never understand. His abuse came in many forms depending on the severity of my crime against him. The worst was the silent treatment that could last up to three weeks at a time so even when I was married I was alone with my thoughts.
When I start writing all this down it doesn't make a good read my brain tells me that he treated me very badly. Its amazing how much damage one person can do to another without a second thought. If I could rid myself of dreams about him then I am sure I would have a chance at moving forward in life. Last nights dream thankfully wasn't about him it was awful for other reasons. I dreamt I had a toddler in a pram and we were shopping before terrorists burst in to the shopping mall firing guns. When I woke up the feelings of sheer panic are still with me. Its no wonder I don't want to go to bed.
The good thing about posting on here is that I can get other peoples perspective on my problems that are making my mental health suffer. Some how I need to put together a coping strategy and don't know how. The only other option is sleeping tablets which I really don't want to take again.
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. A year after I split from my ex husband, I had relationship counselling and it really, really helped. I would completely recommend it. You’re not a fraud at all, you’re grieving and there is no time limit on that.
