Support

[Suzi]

Oh sweetheart
Do you want to talk about why you had a breakdown? What about something like RELATE? Would you both be willing to give it a go?

[Grey haze]

I am not sure what the latest bout is, but the common theme is work. Where I work is not too bad, paid well and doing okay, but for years I have panicked about meetings and staying away. The problem is that the anxiety is so strong that it can litteraly leave me a wreck (like today). It is so rediculous that not being here at all seems preferable to having to cope. I cant give work up as we would be in financial trouble very quickly. I also know if I stopped, I would focus on something else as the problem. Ever decreasing circles kind of thing. Also as I have said, work is actually not at all bad compared to many. I am quite high up in the company and I feel like I have cornered myself by having to act at a certain level where all I really feel capable of is a far more menial role. I got an email about a meeting on the 30th that is within 100 mile from home so quite easy for me, but I felt like I had to do anything rather than go.
I've never had a meeting where anything has gone wrong, but my mind tells me it is impossible for me to go. This then feeds the depression.