need some advice *SU TRIGGERS*

[Suzi]

Hi Paula. Yes I have tried cbt both on my own and with my counselor. I didn't really find it that helpful when I was already feeling down. It really only helps me to prolong up moments.

Hi suzi, I know you mean well but I don't think berating me for something I've already apologized for is particularly helpful. I really do get enough of people doing that irl. I'm guessing it wasn't your intention it's just how it comes across...
I'm here for that understanding. I just want to talk about how I'm feeling and get some advice, not the merits and demerits of trigger warnings so can we please move past that point?

I do promise that I wasn't berating you for anything, I'm not like that - which you'll get to know in time.

I wish I could edit posts. (Let me know if I actually can and am just being silly)

No, that's not something that you can do, but you can always ask one of the team to help and we're always happy to help

I don't share my feeling easily. Particularly in person. I find it incredibly difficult to get the words out as through the link between my head and mouth is broken. I know that I should try and get a new prescription to see if it helps me more. It's just my last appointments to check in on my medication were over the phone (this is where my untruthfulness comes at its strongest) so I kept saying oh yeah it's fine, works great. I don't know why I said it. I know it's stupid and know I'm afraid to say to them oh yeah I was lying and am actually in a crippling depression googling the easiest ways to die. I actually went hunting for a deadly mushroom once cos it was meant to provide a painless death... I know I'm being defensive. I just can't help it. I don't share my emotions. I find incredibly difficult and just doing this is a big step for me when I know for others it's a trivial matter. Either way how do you tell the truth to your doctor? How do I remove the block in my head? Anyone else experienced something similar?

Lovely, you really do need to be more open with your GP - maybe write a list of bullet points about how you feel, then you can actually just hand that over if you need to - or print out your posts from here and pass that over instead. Then you don't need to actually "say" anything if you don't feel up to it.
If the meds aren't helping then tell them - talk to them, no matter how hard it is - do you have a friend you could take with you?