OK here goes... I'll try to keep it brief lol Alcohol is a depressant. You are taking anti depressants to combat the depression you are already dealing with. This means that any good you are doing with the anti depressants is wiped out by the alcohol. It also is a poison. Your liver and kidneys are being damaged and liver cirrhosis isn't any fun. I know the damage that alcohol does especially when you use it to "medicate" or "stop you from feeling" because then it becomes something that becomes something that you need, then you become dependent. But after time the same amount of alcohol (let's call it a glass of whisky) loses it's effect and so you have to have 2, then 3, then 4, then a bottle, and you are an alcoholic. Anyone dependent on alcohol is an alcoholic and the damage and the pain that alcoholics have within families is not something you ever want to have to deal with.
One of my family members is an alcoholic and we were told that they were going to die from the liver disease and that we should prepare ourselves and our children to say goodbye. Having to explain to children who were 11, 9 and 8 that this family member was going to die and that they had the opportunity to say goodbye is one of the hardest conversations I have ever had. When they said "why doesn't he just stop drinking?" And having to explain that actually when you've been dependent on it and suddenly stop that can kill you because of the detox is horrible.
I'm not laying a guilt trip. I just don't see why you'd add a depressant when your mood isn't stable anyway.
I'm not saying "never drink again." Just let the meds settle, get stable and don't make it something you use to medicate or stop feeling...
That's all not included the horrible things that it does to your insides and the extra pressure on your liver and kidneys.
Oh and yes I do drink - just not much
What made you think you embarrassed yourself at the PO?