Thanks all - at least I know it's part of the problem. There's DIY jobs round the house that need doing - the bit of silicone needed round the bath, the little chunk of plaster missing by the bathroom window etc - can I face them? No chance. They're a one way ticket to a 3 day downward spiral.

I really hope that the psych referral comes through quickly as I finished from work today and can already feel myself slipping.

Yesterday was a bit of a bummer. I had a rare day off, and in a fit of trying to 'force myself well', vacuumed the house, put the bins out, and by some miracle managed to complete our annual treat to M&S food hall for some Christmas dinner treats. Despite being mentally exhausted after all that, I managed to make dinner for when my wife returned. Big deal you may scoff - I get it, but I work far longer hours than my wife and sadly she does the lions share of domestic chores like that, and I wanted to do it as a treat and not to be seen as moping on the sofa all day whilst she worked.

Sadly, my wife had had a rough day and was exhausted when she got home, so had no real energy or enthusiasm to show the gratitude and appreciation that my selfish, pathetic and desperate need for validation craved. She was pleased, but only mildly so. What did I do? Spiralled into despair and went straight to bed after loading the dish washer - couldn't face another minute of the day. Not blaming her for anything, just not able to rationalise the situation.

It's like I'm constantly clutching at straws, trying to seek out even a whiff of enjoyment or satisfaction from something - ANYTHING, but when this doesn't come, I mentally collapse.

How rubbish.