Quote Originally Posted by Suzi View Post
Definitely not just you... Is there anyway that you can find a way of meeting new people and putting more structure to your weekends? I know it's tough, I really do..
Easier said than done I guess - it's the sort of thing I'd need to be in the right frame of mind/confidence to be able to do - catch-22.

Please can I share another self observation to see if this is just another common symptom of genera depression or whether this points to a specific element of the illness?

I find that my emotional coping capacity is tiny. The best way I can explain that is to imagine everyone has a coping tank in their brain which deals with problems, challenges and issues on a day to day basis. Depending on how life is going, a well person might have an emotional tank that is say 20-50% full on any given day, meaning that if a 45% (pretty big) problem comes along, they have the capacity to deal with it. it might make them sad, fed up, cross etc within the boundaries of 'normal', but fundamentally, they did not reach the maximum capacity of their coping tank and they function normally.

I feel I'm living with my coping tank 95% full at all times, where only the slightest problem, hinderacne, thwart, rejection or any other element of life that doesn't got to plan, even if it's only a 6% sized issue that should just be brushed off, tips me over the edge and I simply can't cope - I shut down, fall off the cliff of misery and just want to give up on everything - total and complete "what's the point of even trying" state of mind. Often with considerable frustration, anger and despair.

An example. Despite feeling very low, I managed to muster every ounce of will, enthusiasm and energy I could to drag myself off the sofa and force myself to mow the lawns. I mapped it all out in my head, worked out how long it would take, where are the keys to the shed were, which lawn I'd cut first, where my ear defenders are (it's a noisy petrol one) etc, all in an effort to make sure I was in no way thwarted. So in a 'Hail Mary' burst of 'come on, lets fight this', I get my coat and shoes on, grasp the keys to the shed and went for it..... come on, you can do this.....

Only to find that the mower had run out of petrol which would require me to nip round the corner and fill up the can from the petrol station. This was a 6% problem. BOOM.

Gave up, downed tools, walked away in total despair and went to bed, sleeping for the rest of the day to try and bury my frustration and despair. All whilst knowing full well what that must sound/read like to a rational NT person, yet not being able to do anything about it.

Ring true with anyone?