Don't know where to turn or what to do

[Arty]

Ok.. I saw my psych. for quite a few appts during which I told him in detail my symptoms (2 nervous breakdowns within 18 months) I was already on Citalopram & Mirtazapine but was in a very bad way. He changed my meds over a number of weeks. I totally understand how desperate you are and how right now you think that there won’t be a solution (I felt the same!) Psychiatrists have a lot of experience and are far better than GPs with Mental health (stating the obvious) Until you see him/her please try to be kind to yourself and rest as much as possible.

[Ovalbug]

One thing i struggle to do is isolate exactly what anxiety is.... here is a list of some of the negative emotions I feel and frequency I feel them - perhaps someone could point to which ones are official anxiety?

Generally sad and un-motivated - Every day.
Not wanted to answer the telephone or front door - 95% of the time.
Hating crowded social situations - weddings, parties etc - 99% (unless I know and am comfortable with most of the people there).
Sudden raised heart rate and tingling in my palms, as if looking over the edge of a building from a great height - few times a week.
Not being able to sleep, heart rate at 120 bbm all night, no sleep, nauseous with fear, loose teeth, bleeding gums, trembling - once last year, for 3 weeks.
Torment, frustration and a sense of being held back / thwarted - most days.
Despair and helplessness with thoughts of suicide - sometimes every day for a week, other times a couple of weeks without.
Lonely (in my soul) - most days.
Inability to relax and just enjoy something for what it is, without micro-analysing it or knowing that it'll soon be over and my problems / sadness / frustrations are still waiting for me as soon as said event are over - all adult life.
Inability to relax and let go - all adult life.
Seeking validation and approval for all that I do - all adult life.
Scanning every situation for threats/triggers and steering to avoid - all adult life.
Dark thoughts about seeking revenge on those that have crossed me in life, school bullies etc - all adult life.

Anxiety?