of others dying

when I see it on the news.. these people got shot or what ever, I get so envious.

it's really sad, yes

but where I am coming from is this:

these people are usually people with a lot to live for, people who get a lot out of life.. in some cases, children- who have not even begun to live yet.
and I think... why not me?

i'm here taking up space, unhappy with my life and how it's turned out, yet I'm forced to continue

it's almost like a curse..

why does this happen