That's really hard to read... I will put in some spaces.

Hi, I'm starting to get psychosis and massive blackouts. I'm getting so confused that I'm getting lost in my own small housing commission house. I have trouble remembering how to use the television remote.

The antipsychotic trial didn't work and I am not able to take other mood stabilisers. When I am next able to get back to the GP, I will need to get bloods taken because my pdoc thinks my Topamax is too high but my mood is so unstable, I would hate to think of going lower than 100mg. I have trouble sleeping on 15mg Zopiclone + 50mg Doxylamine + 25mg Diazepam + 25mg Baclofen + 5mg Prazosin which my pdoc has set as my maximum for me. I never go beyond what my pdoc tells me is my maximum dose, no matter how bad I am. I hope it is okay to talk about meds here. Please edit if not okay.

I have got a general neuro appointment come up in January and that will help manage the mitochondrial disorder and suspected dementia. I have been referred to the same doctor for a functional neuro appointment for the functional neurological disorder, so it is good the one neuro may manage the 2-3 neuro disorders.

I have had frozen shoulder for nearly three months, from closing a gate, not realising I had done any damage at the time. I am getting steroid injections. They have picked up other injuries that are most likely from my childhood abuse that is complicating the healing process that may need attention but I feel too sick to deal with it and my GP has allowed me to put further investigations on the backburner for now. At least I got the ultrasound done. That is just the tip of the iceberg.

I'm working with my support coordinator to put my end of life arrangements in place. We are also working towards getting home maintenance work done. We have to get an OT assessment to get me a new wheelchair.

My old provider has defrauded my NDIA account about $10,000 even though I raised the alarm and advised the NDIA that I had instructed the provider to run invoices by me before submitting and advised the NDIA not to pay until I authorised the invoices were correct. The provider did not present me with the invoices and the NDIA paid fraudulent invoices regardless without my consent and refused to reimburse my plan the amount of the fraud. I am still being harassed by the provider despite providing a representative. They have come to my house during the weekend, text me during the early hours of the money. The CEO has called me after hours to argue with me. They email me from new email addresses to get around the block. Finally the NDIA are investigating the provider and I have had to work hard to supply all the evidence to show all the ways this provider has breached the regulations. It is hard work and I'm not young so I am prepared that the outcome of the investigation in the face of overwhelming evidence of fraud could be "no case to answer". But I also know that if I have done my best, it's okay. That is what is infuriating - that "my best" is so weak now. I'm so vulnerable. If I was well, I could mop the floor with these guys - and that is how they get away with these things because they prey on vulnerable people. That makes me want to fight them harder but I have nothing left in my tank to fight with.

I tried to get into a peer support group to get out of the house but I was rejected for being too sick. My carer and I are chipping away at finding another peer support group and step by step slowly getting me engaged in a group somehow, with the support of my carer. Suzi, just to put your mind at rest, I'm really good at looking after myself. My carers always say that I'm a good influence on them because I model healthy behaviours