No need to say sorry. Posting is a good thing.

I seem to be reading this a lot.. that if you are not in such a point of absolute crisis then you don't get the help you need. But this is how people get in to a crisis surely, from not having enough help soon enough. Crazy. I hope someone gives you the support you need.

Bit of a random question maybe, but are you getting any exercise? It can have an antidepressant effect, help with regulating eating whether that needs to be more or less, and get rid of the hormones that build up and contribute to the impulses to selfharm. I have done similar in the past and sometimes just going out for a walk helps me to stop doing those things now. I am not always in a good enough state of mind to go outside of course, but sometimes it helps. When it can.