I'm sorry things are so bad, lovely. I have to say, the reason people keep recommending ADs are because they really do work, once the right med or meds are found for you. It took me a bit of trial and error before the right combination for me was found. Please don't rule them out yet, hunni ...

If you're in crisis, love, please call the Samaritans (tel 116 123) or go to your nearest A&E. and, if you're not happy with the support being offered to you, can you please call your GP/pdoc for an urgent appointment and talk things through