Thanks Paula. Brutal honesty is what I need sometimes!

I know it's her job and I know I don't have to like her. I know she has a duty of care. I'm not saying she doesn't care at all - she obviously cares enough to do the job - but when you have MH issues it's so easy to root out those who care enough to get the job done and those who really, genuinely care. It doesn't help that she focuses on the negative all the time. (My mother agrees with this) She says 'eat because anorexia is killing you' rather than 'eat to stay well' and always asks me 'Do you want to go to hospital...?' Like it's some kind of threat. I'm seeing her again tomorrow with my mother and we're going to gently say that making too much reference to the 'you could die' aspect of it isn't helpful.

She also keeps saying how she 'gets' it. Sorry love, but she doesn't get what it's like to HAVE anorexia just because she works with sufferers three days a week. No matter how long you look at a patient, it won't make you feel it.

As for my mother, I know she's doing everything to support me. My parents are incredible. You're totally right about my dad! When life gets tough.... He heads to work, bless him! I've told my parents my anger and low mood is to be expected and they understand that. I'm busying myself with painting and staying out of their way if I feel crappy because I don't want to create any further tension. It's just easier that I comply.

That's so inspirational Paula, that you keep on fighting! And I'm so pleased and proud of you for achieving such goodness outside of mental illness. You must be a very strong and determined person! Keep fighting!

Yeah, I wallowed yesterday and still feel crappy today but not AS bad as yesterday. Painting and pyjama day again but might actually get over the grump and shower later on.

I'm trying to get well for ME - to work, to volunteer, to be able to exercise for my health, to join some exercise classes with my sister in law to boost my mood and meet new people and to eventually move out (my goals!) rather than to gain weight, avoid hospital, prevent tension at home or get the OT off my case.

Hope you have a nice day today! X