Thank you so much!!

Well, I'm finally here in hospital! The tube was a totally horrible experience. I initially refused out of fear because of memories of having it as a young child, but my dad was with me and despite being awfully squeemish, he was amazing! The staff are all so kind, reassuring and helpful. I'm staying in a nice ward with three quiet old ladies and a nice sea view. There are two day rooms where I can paint and visiting is all day from 12pm-8pm.

I was very emotional with my dad just now. I think it was all the emotions of this last year hitting me at once with the fear and feeling that hospital was a threat hanging over me and the sheer relief that the tube got passed and that hospital is not a jail sentence! I looked at myself in the mirror tonight with my gaunt face, feeding tube and mobile stand pumping juice into me and couldn't believe it has come to this.

This is end of the road anorexia, you know? And I realised that from here the only way is UP. It's still very surreal and I cant quite believe I'm here.

I'm feeling exhausted. I think I will be asleep soon and I hope I will feel more settled, accepting and fresher in the morning.

I hope all is as well as it can be with you lovely ladies.

Take care and thank you xxx