I'm not mental health trained, but your previous posts mention a lot about control, and I'm pretty sure that is one of the things involved with anorexia. Are you seeing a psychotherapist? The books used to say this need for control could be stem from previous experience, of what I can't say since I only have surface knowledge of mental health.

I do get how you're holding back some information from some therapists though. You are meant to be honest with them so they can help you the best they can, but it's also a matter of having a trusting relationship with them, isn't it? It's hard. But you did also mention you are seeing someone privately whom you trust, so I'm glad there's someone!

Hope you're getting better, even in small, tiny steps! x